Yay, I finally have managed to write a response to the writing prompt! Make sure to check out the link from last week and submit your own if you feel inspired!
This is where the nightmares had started and why they
continued.
The train had long since driven on, and hadn’t returned in
years. Nothing but the ghost of its tracks remained behind. Janet walked down
the side of the tracks, the gravel crunching underneath her feet. She hadn’t
known why she returned, except she remembered this was the place she saw them
first.
She sighed deeply and shuddered. The kept her eyes forward
on the city up ahead, refusing to look down.
A soft creak broke her thoughts. No, it couldn’t be. He couldn’t still be here
.
She turned her head and looked into the distance. It was an
old house, the type you usually would see out by these old train tracks. It
nearly blended in with the dust and the dirt. She felt hot underneath her wind
breaker. He was waiting for her.
She stepped away from the tracks and walked towards the
vision. It was her cosmic calling and time she faced him.
The wind picked up as she walked. A wind that seemed to urge
her to go back. To turn away.
It was the same wind she felt when she was seven. Playing
with her friends. A game of tag. A flash of something metal on the ground. A
hidden pocket watch under the old wooden
train tracks that made her stop. The memory flashed before her eyes like a
piercing needle in her mind. And when she knelt down…
…Janet tore herself back to the present. The house was
closer now. Clearer. She could see him on the wide porch, rocking back and
forth. He stopped. Stood. Ready to face her.
…at that time, when she knelt to pick up the watch, she
screamed. A terrorizing scream that filled the air. Yet no one else saw. When
her friends ran forward, they didn’t see what she did….
The steps to the house were broken and torn up. The weeds
from a dying vegetable garden clung to the sides of its walls. If she looked,
she could see underneath, but she kept her eyes forward. When she got closer,
she noticed his eyes. They were the same. Those eyes that had nothing inside
them. The eyes of someone not even human. The hatred. The evil. He was the
reason she saw those bodies under the tracks.
And why no one else did.
At least, not until they searched the house at the end of
the tracks.
Thanks Leanne! š Oddly enough it was inspired by someone else's nightmare that they had, and it has always stayed with me. It was a good time to flesh it out into a story! š
You created a lot of depth in a really short space with this story. It pulled me in, that feeling of being 'the one who knows' while others remain blissfully unaware. I really liked it.
You created a lot of depth in a really short space with this story. I liked the angle of the character being 'the one who knows' while the others remain blissfully unaware…and having the responsibility of that knowledge. I really liked it.
How did I miss this?!? 10 Hail Marys, and 8 Hello Dollys for my penance!
CREEPY! The dream-like quality was surreal and engrossing. I felt the wind pushing at her chest trying to get her to turn back. The finding of the stopwatch was for me a symbolic image in her dream of being connected to reality, like an umbilicus grounding her to her real world. I experienced it as empowering for her.
Great piece!
~Christopher
I know where my error lies… I've done this before! I look at the stories on the link, but if you host, yours is not on there. Ah-hah! Now I shall never err again! ; )
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Chilling.
Thank you!
Oh my gosh! This gave me goosebumps, Nicole. Well done! Though it freaked me out, I love the story.
Thanks Leanne! š Oddly enough it was inspired by someone else's nightmare that they had, and it has always stayed with me. It was a good time to flesh it out into a story! š
You created a lot of depth in a really short space with this story. It pulled me in, that feeling of being 'the one who knows' while others remain blissfully unaware. I really liked it.
You created a lot of depth in a really short space with this story. I liked the angle of the character being 'the one who knows' while the others remain blissfully unaware…and having the responsibility of that knowledge. I really liked it.
The suspense in this one is great. I literally had to relax my shoulders when I finished reading. š
Nicole,
How did I miss this?!? 10 Hail Marys, and 8 Hello Dollys for my penance!
CREEPY! The dream-like quality was surreal and engrossing. I felt the wind pushing at her chest trying to get her to turn back. The finding of the stopwatch was for me a symbolic image in her dream of being connected to reality, like an umbilicus grounding her to her real world. I experienced it as empowering for her.
Great piece!
~Christopher
I know where my error lies… I've done this before! I look at the stories on the link, but if you host, yours is not on there. Ah-hah! Now I shall never err again! ; )
Oh, I made a link on my site to your Home Page. Let me know if you want anything changed. -Cheers!